I can’t believe I didn’t mention this (I did on Twitter and Facebook, but not here), but earlier this week I did an interview with Domestic Kingdom.
And today, I wrote the guest post for the True Woman blog: Planner or Free Spirit?
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The Organized Heart, along with an interview with moi, is featured in this month’s issue of Women of God magazine. You can read the article here.
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Have you ever prayed for someone to change? Have you ever gone to the Lord with a list of someone’s “personality flaws” and asked God to fix them?
I have.
But are we always right to do so?
More than ten years ago, I met a woman for the first time. One thing I remember about that first meeting is how startled I was by her directness. Nothing she asked was wrong, per se, but she was more plain-spoken than I would ever be.
If you would have asked me then what God needed to do to change her, I would have had a ready answer: he needed to make her quieter and more reserved. In other words, he needed to make her more like me.
A decade has now passed. We’ve both grown, we’ve both been through trials, and the Holy Spirit has been working on us both. My friend is still direct, but I appreciate her directness. I admire her ability to look unflinchingly at a situation and see the problem. But her words are now more loving and edifying and less harsh.
And while I’ve still got far to go, I’m less afraid of acknowledging problems. I no longer scramble to keep the peace at all costs, even at the expense of the truth.
In other words, we’ve both changed — but we’ve both remained the same. God uses both of us in different ways. He’s taken the personalities we were born with and redeemed them. We’re both works in progress, and our personalities will continue to give us problems as long as we walk this earth, but we’ve both come so far, and for that I am thankful.
I’m so glad God didn’t change my friend. Both of our personalities have their places in the church body.
Perhaps instead of going to God with our lists of things we want him to “fix” about the people in our lives, we should go to him and pray that they grow in godliness. Instead of praying that they start to act more like us, we should pray that we all act more like Christ.
God can take any personality flaw and redeem it for his glory. Procrastination can become thoughtfulness, perfectionism a quest for excellence, shyness to gentleness, directness to strength.
And all for the glory of God.
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Way back in March, I was interviewed on Pilgrim Radio. I had a hard time getting the audio file on here, despite the fact that I was able to embed audio files way back when I was blogging on Blogger. Then I had computer problems, then I forgot. I may have mentioned that I sometimes procrastinate.
Whenever I heard call-in interviews before, I pictured the author reclining on a chaise lounge wearing a satin dress and heels. Maybe that’s true for others, but I was in my bedroom next to a pile of unfolded laundry. I also had the family sick bucket nearby, in case my nerves got the best of me.
Just keeping it real. I have mentioned that I have issues with intercoms. I was nervous about the radio for the same reason.
Anyway, here it is:
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From The Organized Heart:
Every how-to book on home organization seems to bring in a checklist at some point. It appears that people who are naturally organized love to make lists and check them twice. My computer-programmer husband thinks the most of the world’s problems can be solved with the right flow chart. My mother finds crossing things off her to-do list so satisfying that if she completes a task that’s not on her list, she writes it down just so she can cross it off.
The above quote almost didn’t make it into the book. Not because I didn’t think it was important, but because I was worried that it would be misunderstood. I’m pretty sure readers got my drift (because you all are really smart): Lists are a tool, not a master.
I am, for the most part, a non-list person surrounded by list people. It’s easy to think that list people are organized because they make lists. I wanted to point out that lists appeal to people whose brains work a certain way, and those people tend to be naturally organized.
So the person in chaos might look at her friend Jane and think: Jane is organized. Jane makes a to-do list every morning. If I make a to-do list, I will be organized, too.
Perhaps. Todd swears that he often gets things done at work just because he’s tired of seeing it on his list. Me? Not so. I can rationalize all manner of procrastination. If I’ve put off mopping the kitchen floor even though it looks nasty, writing “mop floor” on a piece of paper isn’t going to make it happen any sooner. If it works for you, though, use your list in the best of health.
And then there is the perfectionist, who gets so caught up in getting her list just so, that she doesn’t get anything done. I can be that way, too — searching for just the right pretty paper and pen for my list, when the back of an envelope will work fine. But that is often a stall tactic, akin to, I don’t know…spending the morning searching one’s books for a quote you can’t quite remember (and you need for no other reason than to satisfy your curiosity) when you really should be cleaning out the refrigerator.
Just to throw out an example. Something I came up with off the top of my head. Ahem.
And as I explained in the book, I do have a cleaning schedule of sorts. Yesterday was my day to mop the kitchen floor, but it didn’t get done as I got a little caught up in changing, breaking, and then patching up the blog. I’ll have to mop the floor today. Today is “change the sheets” day, too. It was supposed to be “repairman come and finish the drywall day,” but alas, it’s not dry enough yet.
I do have a list for this weekend, though. Want to see it? In no particular order:
That’s pretty ambitious (although the garage and the shelf really are smallish tasks). We’ll see how it goes. Feel free to ask me next time you see me.
So, how about you? Are you a list person? Why or why not?
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When I wrote the book, it was important to me that I not turn it into a list of methods and tools that worked for me. I have read countless books on organization where the author wanted to sell you on her way of doing things. Since our lives are all so different, that doesn’t always work.
Having said all that, there are a lot of neat tools out there. So, this post is just to draw a few of them to your attention.
Disclosure: I am an affiliate for the first one (Motivated Moms), so if you buy through my link I’ll get…something (a discount on next year’s planner perhaps? Don’t remember.) But I have no financial interest in the others. Nevermind. I couldn’t figure out my affiliate code. I have no financial interest in ANY of these products.
Ahem.
Motivated Moms chore planning system. It’s a simple concept — it breaks chores down and tells you what days to do them. (I wrote about it once here). I don’t generally do well with to-do lists, but this one doesn’t overwhelm me as much as most of them do. I used the paper one for a few years, but this year they developed an iPhone/iPod Touch app. Short of someone coming over and nagging me until I get things done (wouldn’t THAT be fun), this is the best I’ve found.
I first heard about the PrayerMate app from Tim Challies. A prayer app might sound kind of weird and unspiritual, but all this does is keep track of your list. If you’ve ever used notecards to keep track of prayer needs, this mimics that method. My favorite thing is that I can password protect it. I’m more consistent in praying for others if I can write all prayer requests in one notebook and carry it with me. That makes me nervous, though, because sometimes people tell me prayer requests that are confidential.
You can organize your prayer requests in different categories (family, friends, ministry needs), then list as many separate requests in each category that you wish. It was easy to customize.
Mealtime Makeover gives you a weekly menu and a shopping list. Lists are available for several different stores (and there’s an “any store” option if you prefer). I rarely follow it exactly, but the lists are set up to where you can see which items are for each meal, so you can cross it off if you wish. Some weeks are better than others, but this gives me a quick starting point for my grocery list.
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At the conference I spoke at this past weekend, the theme was “Viewing Our Struggles Through the Lens of the Gospel.” And though I spent a lot of time in the book of Habakkuk, it covered a lot of the same ground I covered in my book.
The Organized Heart was about a particular struggle: the struggle to live an organized life. I discussed how the struggle occurs because we place something else above the work we need to do.
The conference covered the same thing, except I didn’t speak specifically to disorganization, I spoke about struggles in general.
I’ve been tired lately. Why? Because now that my son has started public school, I have to get up 90 minutes earlier than I’m used to in order to see him off to the bus on time. I can fudge on too little sleep for awhile, but now it’s starting to catch up with me. I’m tired during the day and not as effective as I should be.
At risk of over-explaining and insulting your intelligence, there is no biblical principle as to what time one should go to sleep at night. But there are biblical principles about being a good steward of your time, taking care of your body, and being able to serve God and your family. Staying up too late affects each of these things.
This is a continual problem for me. I get frustrated when I hear the alarm go off, know that I haven’t slept enough and I’m starting the day already behind. Why am I back here again? How many times do I need to learn this lesson the hard way?
The steps to conquering it are the same as any other issue that comes up in life.
1. Confession and prayer. Always start there. We never conquer sin in our own power.
2. What’s the payoff? In other words, what is it that means so much to me that I’m willing to put it ahead of what I know I should be doing. In this case, it’s my solitude and the freedom to relax without any sort of deadline looming over me.
For instance, Todd and my oldest son have left, and the younger two are still sleeping, so I do have solitude right now. But I know in a few minutes I’ll have to get off the couch and get on with the day.
3. Remind myself what my purpose is. My purpose in life is to glorify God and enjoy him forever. In this season of life, I primarily bring glory to God by serving my family. That should be my focus. With that in view, I need to seek God’s glory first and foremost, and trust that he will provide what I need in his timing.
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Author’s note: Don’t panic, Mom, this story has a happy ending.
Back in the first week of November, Todd and I took the kids to Disney World. It was a wonderful trip. But one day, while wandering around the Magic Kingdom, it occurred to me that my pharmacist license expired on October 31. Since November comes after October (it works this way everywhere — even The Happiest Place on Earth), that was kind of a problem.
I had, however, scored very well on the law portion of the pharmacy board exam all those many years ago, and I seemed to recall that I had a little grace period to renew before the state yanked my license, ripped it to pieces, and stomped on it. I’m not currently working as a pharmacist, either. If you’re working and your license expires, you get hauled off in handcuffs. (It may not be that drastic, but I’m sure Important Officials with Frowny Faces are involved.)
I decided I would take care of it when I got home, and put it out of my mind.
“Out of my mind” is exactly where it stayed for the next three months. I was in bed at the end of January, in that relaxed state one is in just before dropping off, when the thought came right back in my mind.
I was suddenly awake again. My mind was, um, racing with worst-case scenarios.
I thought I had a six month grace period, but what if it was only a three month grace period? Then I would have to take the board exams all over again. I can’t contemplate that for long without having to lie down with a cool washcloth on my forehead.
A midnight internet search showed that I actually had two years to renew, but still I worried. What if there was an exception? I spent the night imagining possible fine print that said the two-year grace period did not apply to dachshund owners, people shorter than five foot two, or those unable to twirl a baton.
I was only a little bit hysterical when I called the state office the next morning (even in my agitated state, I suspected that they wouldn’t appreciate midnight phone calls at home). I did have two years. I was okay. I had done nothing that couldn’t be fixed with paperwork and a late penalty. I did not have to face my husband or my parents (it’s a draw as to which encounter frightened me more) to tell them that I had been so busy writing a book on organization that I had lost my pharmacist license for the time being.
I have a long list of things that I have fouled up since the book came out. My license plates expired. I carried a check a check someone gave me around in my purse for months. Just this week I threw away a slew of papers from my son’s school (It seems I got the “throw-away” pile confused with the “keep” pile).
Everybody messes up sometimes. We all forget to turn in library books and video rentals by their due dates (at least I like to believe everybody does this). Is there anyone who hasn’t forgotten their lunch or their keys (or their phone) on occasion?
Failing to renew a professional license, however, is beyond the pale. Even Tammy Wynette managed to keep her beautician license current, just in case she had to return to fixing hair. I’m no Tammy Wynette, in lots of ways.
The fact that I’ve struggled so much with organization after having written a book called The Organized Heart is just too ironic. Sometimes the punch lines just write themselves.
I still maintain that karma, mojo, and Murphy’s Law don’t exist. Our lives are governed by a sovereign God. But should I ever write another book of nonfiction, I may be more careful in choosing the subject matter.
If it’s true that you will fail at the very skill you are trying to teach, here are some of the titles I’m considering:
How to Gain Weight
How to Remain Unable to Twirl a Baton Despite Growing Up With Sisters Who Can
How to Encounter Snakes on a Daily Basis
The possibilities are endless.
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So for the past month or so, chez Writing and Living has been enduring a trial.
I’m going to have to be vague, here. Partly because much of this story isn’t mine to tell, partly because it’s too long and involved, and partly because the specifics of the story aren’t as important as the lessons learned. And while it was a mild trial, as trials go (no one broke the law or was up for church discipline), it was enough to pretty much disrupt the normal routine for about three weeks.
It is one of those incidents that when I would recount the details to friends and family, they were amazed at how many things had unfolded so perfectly as to put us in the middle of the bull’s eye. It was the perfect time to put some feet to all the study I’ve done on God’s sovereignty. I could not have foreseen this; I would just have to stand firm and persevere.
Well, sort of. You see, I anticipated that this season could possibly be difficult, and I knew there were a few things I could be doing to prepare for it all. But instead I blithely hoped for the best. In a word, I procrastinated. Like Scarlet O’Hara, I decided to think about it tomorrow.
And then tomorrow came and I was gobsmacked. Because it hadn’t unfolded like my worst-case scenario, it was even worse.
I find it hard to pray in these situations. When my procrastinating ways yield trials (or, more accurately, make current trials more difficult than they need to be), I always feel the best thing to do is to quietly lie in the bed I have made for myself. I remember confessing these feelings to Todd during college oh-so-many years ago and being called out on it. Yes, I realize we are commanded to present all our requests to God (Philippians 4:6-7). But when I walked into a college exam unprepared because I had spent the evening before watching ER or visiting some friends’ new baby (said baby is now 16, by the way), it seemed unfair to ask God to bail me out.
That’s correct to a degree. As I’ve talked about in The Book, procrastination is in many ways sinful rebellion against God. It’s essentially telling God that you know better than he does on how you should be spending your time. You don’t believe he can strengthen you to complete the task at hand, so you’re just going to sit and watch 90s sitcoms in their first run (because it’s not like they’re going to be played over and over again on cable in 15 years – I couldn’t have even comprehended Netflix and Hulu back then). To deliberately sin with the plan of running to God to bail you out of the fix cheapens his grace and is precisely the type of attitude John warns us about in I John 1:6.
But the other side of this is just as troubling. You see, if I don’t ask God to help me because I don’t think I deserve his help, doesn’t that imply that in other times I think I do deserve for things to go well?
And even more upsetting is the knowledge that I don’t want to pray because I don’t want to repent. Praying for help means not only acknowledging my failings but also laying aside the sin and walking in righteousness. Perhaps I would prefer just to take my lumps so I can continue in the same pattern without changing.
This is where I look around for somebody who is doing the same things I’m doing, only worse. I’ll never forget the test where I sat down next to a woman in my class named Sue who confessed that she hadn’t prepared and was therefore sunk. (That’s exactly what she said: “I’m sunk.”) I clung to that, and still remember it to this day. Well, Sue didn’t prepare enough, either. It’s not just me.
Never mind that Sue was about ten years older than I was and had two children at home, while my biggest stressor apart from my college work was trying to get to the dorm cafeteria before they ran out of chicken strips. She might have had a bit more to do in the course of the day. But she hadn’t studied enough for the exam, either, so I’m really not so bad after all.
Fast forward to today. The trial has passed. We were sustained, and God came through. And now that it’s over, I sorely want to rest on my laurels — Well, of course it went well. We worked very hard to see that it did – trying so hard to ignore that God not only sustained us during the time of work, but protected us from all matter of onslaughts like sickness and tornados.
It’s only by his grace, no matter how much I want to make it about my effort.
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Cruciform Pressis running an ebook special on my book, The Organized Heart, along with their bestselling Wrestling with an Angel: A Story of Love, Disability and the Lessons of Grace.
I’ve already said a word or two about The Organized Heart on here. In Wrestling with an Angel, Greg Lucas reflects on life with his severely mentally and physically disabled son, Jake:
My experience is that God will place a burden on you so heavy that you cannot possibly carry it alone. He will break your back and your will. He will buckle your legs until you fall flat beneath the crushing weight of your load. All the while He will walk beside you waiting for you to come to the point where you must depend on Him.
“My power is made perfect in your weakness,” He says, as we strain under our burden. Whatever the burden, it might indeed get worse, but I know this—God is faithful. And while we change and get old, He does not. When we get weaker, He remains strong. And in our weakness and humility, He offers us true, lasting, transforming, and undeserved grace.
It’s a beautiful book, full of wonderful reminders that God is with us, even in the storms and trials of life. You will be encouraged by this book.
If you’re interested in this Mother’s Day special, you can buy directly through the links below, or from Cruciform’s site.
MOBI $8.45 EPUB $8.45 PDF $8.45
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The Organized Heart: A Woman's Guide to Conquering Chaos is available from Cruciform Press, Westminster Bookstore, Amazon
